Becoming a nightmare

I've mentioned before that I've started paying more attention to what is going on in the Gulf (Or better, what ISN'T going on!) UGH! And I am definitely on board the Boycott BP train thanks to Ian Somerhalder & Richard Patrick, mainly, I know there are plenty of others supporting that cause and I've seen mentions from other people on Twitter too. It's a nightmare down there, I know it is. My bills are high, my income is low and I wish there was some extra lying around so I could donate it to one of the many worthy charities out there that are doing what they can for the animals and people there. These 2 guys, both of whom I have incredible respect for, make me feel weak, ashamed and stubborn from day to day. I'm trying to get my chops up though... Don't give up on me yet, God, I'm there in my heart and on my head, truly, the money and time will come and I will step off the edge and do it, you know? It's a nightmare , too, that I'm in trying to let the patience build up in me and let it settle so I'll make it.

Crap..gotta do some damn work now, I'll come back to this later... ERT.


Okay....6 hours later...

It's taken to long to get back to this today, I don't even know where the rant was going. My brain is still on the Gulf-and contemplating some RT's thru Vamp_Diaries from Ian S about a humane society he's working thru down in LA. I've had my story running through my head. and now I have a copy of LOST season 1 , mainly so I can re-light the fire for it and also to pay attention to one particular storyline that was ended before the end of the first season, ie: Boone... humm, I wonder why?? hahaha at myself, I shouldn't be so obvious.

I was helping to do some cleaning around here too, but got stuck when my mind started floating back into my story again.. need to WRITE!!! got to drop off bud bud first and run a couple errands.. as long as my little plot doesn't get LOST in the mix hehe.

The Rut

Okay so again, I've waited a while before writing.... By asking the simple questions: What's your thing? & What do you really enjoy doing? a fellow blogger and dear friend reminded me that writing is such a pleasure for me. I have stories in my head all the time, but I never type them up.. wanting to keep them personal until I have them "finished" or am ready to do something with them. But, more often than not, I just let them go and can almost never remember them. Other times I'll get a start and write a few or even some serious pages but then my concentration is broken and I never get back to it. Sometimes I try to get back to it, but once the thread was broken I have to start all over anyway.

*sigh*


It's so frustrating sometimes..but then...


I have these days where I feel like I've been going in circles, so much, so often, that I'm actually created a rut, and I'm up to my neck and I think "If I don't do or change something NOW I'm going to be stuck here forever!" Lately I've just thought I'd like something drastic or crazy to come out of no where and give me a thrill. But that's not likely to happen. One thing I have learned is that you've got to make stuff like that happen yourself. You believe you can and it will, I've seen proof of it. I also know.. I'm a coward. Yep, I said it. C-O-W-A-R-D. I know what I want and I won't say or do the things that could potentially get me to it. The potential pain that could result is enough to stop this caged Sagittarius in her tracks. And it's been a permanent thing. The only time I've decided that enough was enough and made myself do something drastic and thrilling was when I took myself away from my home and moved to Myrtle Beach. I still have no idea how to do anything alone and under my own power. I never learned, I never tried. I know I'm missing something because of it. Where am I supposed to go from here?

London could be nice...

or NYC..

or Atlanta...

Wouldn't mind visiting New Orleans again...

Something deep down wants to help, I follow Richard Patrick (Filter) and Ian Somerhalder (the Vampire Diaries) both on Twitter, and it's a constant stream from them both about what's going on in the Gulf and against Bp... I know those tweets have caused reactions in people that have gotten off their butts to do something. And I sit here thinking...pick me! take me there! I want to help, but I have nowhere to start and I don't have any idea on what I could do. My plea's are a waste of time. And when it comes to that stuff apparently, so am I.

I get lost in dreams and wishes again, and am left in my rut, where I could be at least writing something other than this stupid blog... But I've got to let it out somewhere.

**SIGH**